I remember the exact moment I realized I had clicked my heels together and finally made it back to Kansas.
It wasn’t accompanied by a chorus of angels or a sudden, blinding flash of enlightenment. It was actually terrifyingly quiet. I woke up one morning and realized the crushing weight of financial terror was gone. The instinct to shrink into self-pity had vanished. I suddenly knew how to handle situations that used to baffle me.
I looked around my life and thought, Was it all in my head? Do I really not have to do the exhausting, soul-crushing dance of faking my way through life just to keep from taking a drink ever again?
The promises I had heard in those basement meetings were actually coming true. But getting there wasn’t a natural progression. Human nature screams at us to simply “do what feels good.” For decades, I listened to that voice. And where did it get me? It got me a front-row seat to my own chaos, a failing liver, and a life that was all work and way too much dangerous play, just desperately trying to keep a twisted sense of balance.
When people hear the word “Serenity,” they usually picture something like this:
They imagine a naive, blissful baby floating on a pink cloud, completely detached from reality. Because of this, a lot of cynics and so-called smart people will tell you that the pink cloud is a myth—a dangerous illusion that will eventually evaporate and drop you flat on your back.
Screw that. I completely disagree. I don’t believe the pink cloud is a myth at all.
You just have to understand the mechanics of it: You have to choose to live on it, you have to wake up every single day and keep it inflated, and you have to get really good at dodging the darts the world throws at it.
The Reality of the Darts
And the world will throw darts. Life still happens. The metaphorical SWAT teams still run past your desk. The trash cans in the alley of your life will still occasionally catch fire.
There will always be that one specific individual whose sole purpose on this earth seems to be driving you absolutely crazy. You know the feeling. It’s that moment you are trying to find your inner peace—mostly because punching people in the face is illegal.
You cannot change that person. You cannot control the chaos around you. So, what do you do when the world is holding a pin to your pink cloud?
First, you pray for them (even if it is through gritted teeth). Why? Both the Big Book of AA and Jesus himself (right in the prayer he taught us to say) hit on the exact same truth: we have to forgive others. Praying for the person driving you crazy isn’t about letting them off the hook; it’s about freeing yourself.
Second, you use the principles of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). NVC is a book by Marshall Rosenberg, and it’s basically a core textbook for many life coaches. I have to admit, I hate the title—it sounds so, well, violent. But in reality, it is the exact opposite. Written in plain language that anyone can understand, it explains a way of communication that is deeply loving to yourself and the people you encounter.
Using NVC, you identify exactly what core need of yours this person is infringing on. Are they threatening your need for respect? Your need for autonomy? Your need for security?
Once you identify the need, you take absolute, tyrannical control over your own reaction. You don’t let their chaos dictate your peace.
The Shift: From Surviving to Serenitizing
In my first book, Gratitude, Grit & Giggles, I shared my story. In my daily coaching practice, my job is to ask you the hard questions so you can find the answers yourself—and that isn’t changing. If you are one of my coaching clients, don’t worry, I am still going to make you do the heavy lifting of self-discovery.
But here, in this blog, I am done just sharing my story, and right now, I am done asking you questions. I am going to tell you exactly what to do. Because finding balance in a chaotic world is not a natural instinct; it is a mechanical process. You don’t stumble into serenity. You have to Serenitize.
If you want the noise to stop, here are the rules of engagement:
1. Morning Alignment is Mandatory You cannot fly by the seat of your pants and expect to land safely. Before the world gets a vote, you have to actively align your mind with your core values every single day. Nature wants you to react defensively; Serenitizing requires you to pause, check your alignment, and choose your action.
2. Define Your S.T.E.P.S. You cannot fix what you do not measure. Serenitizing requires turning vague desires into S.T.E.P.S. Your goals must be Specific, Targeted, Executable, Possible, and Scheduled. If it isn’t scheduled, it’s just a wish.
3. Queue Your “Next Right Move” When the chaos hits, decision fatigue will take you out. You need a system to prioritize your tasks (A, B, and C) so you always know exactly what to do next without having to think about it. Get the swirling chaos out of your head and onto a tangible list. Make your next move a quantifiable action.
4. Course Correction You will get knocked off track. The darts will hit your pink cloud. Serenitizing isn’t about being perfect; it is about having a built-in mechanism to hit the reset button, step away from the ledge, and pivot back to your core values before a bad moment becomes a bad day.
5. The Nightly Review Serenity requires maintenance. At the end of the day, you must do a nightly review of what you have done and how you handled the chaos. Did you hold your boundaries? Did you communicate your needs? You close the loop on today so you can start tomorrow with a clean slate.
The 6-Minute Investment
I can hear you right now. You are reading this and thinking, “Oh wow, that is a lot.” I am not saying this to brag—because everything positive I do and have is given to me by my Creator—but I actually do this every single day. Yes, I review my Morning Alignment, my core values, my gratitude list—TWICE!—and my prayers. I prioritize my tasks, and I do a nightly review.
I have timed it multiple times. The whole shebang takes exactly 5 to 7 minutes.
You wait that long between TV shows for commercials. You wait that long for a cup of coffee. Is your peace of mind and your ability to Serenitize worth 6 minutes a day?
I will even give you a tool that practically does it for you once you sign up for some coaching. But hear me clearly: YOU DON’T NEED ME TO DO IT. You can do it all on your own with a pen and paper. But it is always quicker and easier with the right coach in your corner.
The Result: True Harmony
When you commit to the mechanics of Serenitizing—when you choose to live on the cloud, keep it inflated daily, track your alignment, and communicate your needs—the chaos stops dictating your reality.
This is the reality of true harmony. It isn’t the absence of a battle zone; it is the absolute mastery of your internal environment. It is the hard-earned, quiet balance of a person who knows exactly who they are, knows exactly what their boundaries are, and has the daily discipline to enforce them.
